Looking For a Difference

Thursday, October 21, 2010 11:25 AM By Martin

I'm listening to myself talk, and I think I have at least 3 different people arguing inside my head.  Three people who love three different things, who act differently, who want different things.

A writer, a lover, an artist maybe?

the writer who only really speaks of one person.
the lover who's met the (imaginary) one.
and the artist who will never forgive himself.

shame.
hope.
peace?

I wonder.  Will I persist?  Will my happiness persist?  Or is that imaginary too?

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Waiting in the Rain

Tuesday, October 19, 2010 5:33 PM By Martin

I'm sick.  Oh yes, sick.  Like feverish and sipon-ish (colds).  And I'm smoking cigarettes when the rain grows weary of it's constant downpour.

I sent you a message.  Today, like I do most days.  Like you do most days, I wait, and usually for nothing.  Today's no different.  Probably why I have tomorrow.

I'm still waiting.  Maybe when you do reply, it will be something worth talking about.  Until then, my cigarettes, and memories of smoking Reds beside you on rainy will keep me company.

cheers.

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strangers

Saturday, March 27, 2010 11:44 PM By Martin

you didn't even notice I was gone. :)

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Birthdays

Thursday, March 18, 2010 9:17 PM By Martin

I was born today. It was a saturday I think. Either at 1 in the morning or the afternoon, I don't really recall, being a child.


First breath. First human affirmation of Life.

and months before that, first beat. first affirmation of existence.

today, my heart beats, for the people I love and most especially for the people who care for me. Today, I breathe. Because I want to. Because I can. Because I should.

Thank you all for being here with me these 20 years.

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Monday, March 15, 2010 10:18 PM By Martin

the sound of your heart beating, made me feel alive. Even if I knew it didn't beat, nor will it ever beat, for me, I've never felt so alive and at peace just listening to it. Thank you.

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Dying Stars

Monday, March 8, 2010 7:29 PM By Martin

So I ask myself what the fuck am I going to do about being a dying star right outside the galaxy that is the person I love.


A star whose light never goes out. A star whose light can only be seen, when the stars of the galaxy fade or disappear. A star who reminds the galaxy of it's own beauty. A galaxy worth something even without it's pull.

A star whose light dims and disappears when the stars of the galaxy returns.

the answer is simple. Keep being a dying star. Because it hurts. but also because it makes you happy that the galaxy is happy even without you.

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Woke up new

Wednesday, March 3, 2010 1:51 PM By Martin

I had a dream about some sexual fantasy and I faltered like the sick child that I am. I woke up, and never realized it happened, until Spanish class today.


Oh how disturbing it is.

Oh how wild.

and how anonymous that it was a faceless stranger in the middle of darkness.

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Dreamless

Monday, March 1, 2010 6:44 AM By Martin

I woke up from dreamless sleep again. Strange though, how I remember fleeting images from dreams that could have been.


Although I wonder if the word "dreams" can be omitted and replaced with "realities"?

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Freezing

Sunday, February 28, 2010 10:07 PM By Martin

Never thought how a cold the night can be after a day like this.

No seriously, the night is treacherous, like a woman, or man, or a trans(something). Whatever works for you.

"Exhaustion and friendship collide." -Sigur Ros


Goodnight. Sleep well.

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An Irrational Rationale

9:21 PM By Martin

Quite simple really:


I just wanted a place to keep some thoughts and random memories that don't categorize under my photoblog/poetry blog (SoThenItWas).

Expect everything and nothing at the same time. But don't expect much.

There isn't much of everything and nothing when both seem to be in the interim I've grown to know as life. Because apparently, everything's an in between.

I'm all in, and it's a poker game without cards.

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